The Importance of Resiliency

Have you ever noticed how amazing a rubber band is in it’s ability to bounce back after being stretched? The initial appearance of the rubber band is decieving as its capacity seems to be much smaller before it is stretched. Once the rubber band is stretched, however, it is capable of so much more.

We, as humans, are also capable of so much more, and can be stretched beyond what we typically think is possible. The ability to bounce back and recover quickly from stress and difficulties is called resilience.

Just when many of us thought we could not take ONE MORE THING because we were overwhelmed and felt like we were at our capacities…COVID-19 pandemic hit.

There is no choice other than to deal with the situation at hand. How you deal with the situation, and how quickly you recover, depends on your resilience. My hope is that you tap deep into your core power and build your resiliency muscle so that you bounce back stronger, and help others do the same.

After working in the foster care and juvenile justice systems for nearly 15 years, I understood how important resiliency is in the lives of individuals. It is an important factor for survival through trauma. The more resilient the children and families were in overcoming circumstances, the better they were able to grow and thrive to higher levels. Those professional experiences I had led me to think about my future and the future of my family.

I had a strong desire to raise resilient children. Children who can cope with difficulties, setbacks, and limited resources. I wanted to raise children who were willing and able to cope with and overcome obstacles by developing emotional and spiritual strength.

I did not know their resiliency would be tested so soon at a young age. It was tested when we moved across country, and again when several other losses occurred in our lives. And little did I know then, that in 2020 we would be dealing with a pandemic and their resiliency would once again be called into action and tested. ⁣⁣A pandemic is a critical time for nurturing resiliency in both ourselves and children.

Please understand, this is the time to build the muscle of resiliency to survive and thrive. Everyone is being impacted right now in some way, and everyone has different levels of coping skills. No matter your current situation, this is the time to build the muscle of resiliency.

Here are some quick ways to protect yourself and your family mentally and emotionally during this time of uncertaintly and confusion.

• Focus on what you can control

  Focus on what you can control right now. You cannot control the actions of others or the laws and orders that are placed on you. What you can control is what you think and how you respond. There is no certainty of what things will look like tomorrow, but you have control over what you think about, how you spend your time, and what actions you take.

• Practice gratitude regularly

  Gratitude is both a quality and an action of appreciation and thankfulness. Practicing gratitude means focusing on what you have, instead of what you don’t have right now. It’s experiencing contenment and pleasure in what you have in your life, no matter how small it seems.

• Find healthy ways to cope

  Finding healthy ways to cope may mean turining off the news and social media to protect your mental health from processing negativity and trauma 24/7. Coping strategies are different for everyone, and it may take some time for you to find exactly what works best for you in this time. Coping strategies that are common include: exercise, deep breathing, increasing healthy eating habits, maintaining a schedule, allowing for extra sleep, talking or writing about feelings, and practicing mindfulness.

• Maintain connection with others

  Socialization right now is difficult because we are in a period of social distancing, however, there are other ways to connect. Connection with others in the form of a call, video chat, or text are ways to maintain connection without being physically close. Creative ways to interact could be virtual coffee dates, going “Live” with friends on social media, or scheduling your own paint and sip via a zoom meeting with friends.

• Give to others

  Giving to others in need takes the focus off of us, and puts it onto those who are in more need. There is always someone to help, or a way to show kindness towards others. Even a phone call or a text to someone to show you care, can make a huge difference.

The strategies above were written with adults in mind, however, it is also a critical time for children to build emotional resiliency. You have an amazing opportunity right now, no matter how young your children are, to develop their resilience muscle.

Here are some specific strategies that I have used professionally and with my own children.

• Practice Gratitude

  Just like gratitude is important for adults, it is important for children too. This practice should be modeled and could take place during a daily prayer, conversation with parents, or in a journal. You can model the practice of gratitude with children, and then prompt them to do the same.

• Maintain consistency

  Children feel safe and secure when they know what to expect. This is a time when there are a lot of unknowns and their schedules are not normal. Maintaining consistency and a new normal during this time that they are home, will help them to learn that there are things within their control. Consistency in bedtime, self-care, quiet time, and play time can help children feel a sense of control over their emotions and secure in day to day activities.

• Process Emotions

  The ability to effectively process emotions is an important coping strategy, but is something that needs to be learned and practiced. Allowing children to talk about their feelings provides additional security for them. Helping children by labeling their feelings and assuring them that it is okay to express them can be very freeing. Children express their feelings in many ways. Some children may whine and cry, even sob uncontrollably while other children may become aggressive in their tone and behavior.

• Spend Quality Time

  Relationships are the foundation of resiliency and this is an opportune time to nurture the relationship with your child. Intentional, individual focused time doing an activity and actively engaging with your child is imperative. These consistent interactions lets your child know that they have a safe place to express themselves.

• Encourage Sleep

  Quality sleep helps minimize stress on the mind and body. The better quality sleep your child gets, the better able they are at processing emotions and cognitive functioning. Restorative sleep also assists in immune functioning too!

• Encourage Active Play

  Children, just like adults, need to be active and some children require more movement than others. If you can get outside while maintaining social distancing and staying safe, that is great for the body and the mind. Go for a walk, play a sport, or introduce your favorite outdoor activity. If you are unable to go outside, create mini movement challenges or turn on a kids movement video. There are so many resources online and through video game systems that can get kids moving in an interactive and fun way!

• Be Honest

  Honesty is very important in building resiliency, and you have to consider the age of your child. Right now, we are experiencing a global pandemic. Children do not need to watch or hear the news everyday, but children do need to know why their life is different. They need to know that there are uncertainties right now (such as how long this will last). Children also need to understand what is in their control, and what their responsibility is right now. It is important that you share facts with children, and keep your perceptions and feelings out of it. Imparting your feelings about how things are being handled is counterproductive when building resiliency. It’s important to stick to the facts only, and then allow for the expression of feelings from your child.

• Give to Others

  Although your child cannot control what is happening in the world, they need to know that they still can do something. Recently we have been putting up different items in our front windows so the people who are walking by can play “I spy”. Some things you may want to try: special messages on sidewalks or windows, creating thank you cards to send to first responders, care packages for family members, sending messages to friends to brighten their day. I encourage you to be creative and think outside of the box in how you and your children can have a positive impact on others.

I know it is stressful right now, so please be kind to yourself, your children, and others during this time. Be gentle, loving, and forgiving of yourself and others. This is an opportunity for growth and I encourage you to develop habits now, that build resiliency and enable personal growth in you and your children. You are capable. You are strong. You can so this. Remember, your capacity is much greater than you think!

xo Crystal

P.s. If you need some guidance, a little help, or have questions, I’m just a message away! Email

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